台英散文
三更半暝，予一精神，心真喜，一定是啥人拍敲毋著的，我慢慢仔拍火。
「阿子honn？」彼爿，熟似的音。
「是阿爸-----」我掀棉被，雄狂坐起，家己失算，予阿爸等遮久。
「恁阿母是去佗位，那人厝？」
「阿爸！」我毋知欲按怎，但是嘛安搭家己，伊的身一定有人咧陪。
「叫伊，我上班未赴矣。」伊催愈，我的心愈，拄才嘛著阿母，阿母！汝敢是就阮的身咧？
「人厝，阿人，是欲按怎！」阿爸彼家己踅踅，阿早就身20外冬矣，阿爸到今咧念伊。我喉管滇滇：「阿爸！我，汝先共。」
後厝10分的路程，我2分就到。三兄目咧苦伊老大人，我：「今仔日著啥人看？」
「我。」三兄仔我。
「你去！今仔日暗暝我。」
暗阿爸袂定著，毋是khuh-khuh嗽，就是行行去，遮看看咧，遐看看咧，看有好？看厝一切敢有四序？看著我，像安心。看甲我心肝咧滴血：「阿爸！汝即是享福的，毋免遮操厝的大矣。」
就是阿爸日，暗袂去，兄哥in有一个「里桑」日陪伊、散步、行棋。
毋看盈暗的，若像界妥。人！按怎使得？兄哥阿爸袂好，法度一到天光。敢是伊以早成的有？
著一家伙仔十支喙，除了a-lu-mih()的三班值以外，四界揣散工趁外路仔。暗上班毋敢落眠，日做工，落的，免想嘛知。站仔四兄，阿爸喙好，就是彼辛苦的果。伊是喙根咬，起超伊力的(sit)所引起的。
但是我底，有通食有通穿有通耍，一仔都感日子的散赤困苦，若有的，嘛只有阿的苦病痛的吼不耳孔。莫怪阿兄in我上好命，到我捌代，家境因父母的拍拼勤，有所改善，而且我是上的查某囝，上得人疼，毋知天地斤重。
所以我定定阿爸彼年in所的悲月，以早伊逗逗仔，像咧故事仝款。但是最近煞掩面痛苦伊欲想去，抑就想欲吼，特是提起阿阿母的。是矣，伊仝行仝命的家後苦中相依相倚的娘，是伊生命中透心刻骨的持。
一个人行山，路坎坷，落尾欲踏入平四序的道路，是毛落霜的孤月。个伊已心情家己享受，因伊的伴袂伊做夥享受in手手的成果。
自阿阿母身了後，阿爸的快嘛咧埋入土，在阮做序的有心欲伺候。其真笑，逐家，陪伊的在嘛有限。
突然予我深深感受著一代，念重感情，重心人(比如父母、翁某、囝)身，除非汝比in先去，者，食老注定扮演悲的角色。我定定怨阿爸，若是伊培一款趣，毋知有偌好。上起字、挨(e)琴仔於心寄的物件，毋免即聊甲胡思想，想都是遐个捶心肝的往事。
阿公少年的，就阿个咧奶的仔，造成阿一段非常悲苦的月，才未五十目就哭甲青盲，透年透月粒的卒心窟，甲歹性地。有一阿趁阿母注意，家己摸揣埕斗的仔，欲去隔壁叔伯兄哥in兜，煞大大摔落去水底，就按呢袂起矣。
阿的苦厄，工哭哭啼啼，若小可事，就大咒家己，呔(怎)毋早死死咧。以早生活散赤，不逐家喜喜日子，彼个年代，就是日本殖民治的台百姓生活的款。但是阿的病痛，是阮一家伙仔上割心的痛苦。自按呢阮厝就阿的喜怒哀咧浮浮沉沉，不幸的是伊的病痛是外痛，伊的新我的阿母按怎伊的意，嘛是法度伊的快活，所致阿母常受著阿爸的。个的阿母，一面恬恬仔流目屎，一面按耐厝的大工。
有一，因按呢，我阿性的哀喝煞起反感起。平常阿母除了去菜市仔菜一、日本人洗衫以外，伊是我的底。但是工了後，一直看著老母的形影。所有揣的所在揣，我著逆著，大阿喝：「阮阿母去矣，汝咧哭？」了後我掠狂走出去揣，走到一个的所在，彼搭疏疏仔墓牌。奚的地平，我真正毋知欲佗一个方向揣我的母。秋瑟瑟的下晡，更加，又看阿母，人咧的前途茫茫，大概就是按呢了，我始嗤嗤哭起。突然，普普仔著一一哭，我目屎拭焦，耳孔激利利，小小的心若像有一矛盾，希望是阿母，希望毋是阿母，一粒心肝吊到，著音，我一路大大步步行去……
「啊！阿母……」看清楚的，我是若若哭甲叫。
「汝那走遮？」起著的阿母，一爿牢牢抱我，一爿心肝咧。
伊拭焦阮的目屎，起幽幽仔：「莫共人，阿母有遮。」
到厝，阿母一副快的面形，向阿好仔安好，向伊失，囡仔人毋捌代白。
阿爸煞工，我然提起件代。但是我若像有向阿爸抗，得伊是按呢回答：「恁阿目青盲，事事利便，情然好，咱做囝的毋但伊，而且更加友孝伊。」
「阿爸！你敢是阿母？」阿爸一向真，只有我敢伊撒奶。
「啥人的？」
囡仔的袂出阿母的心情，大才了解伊彼吞的心。才去荒郊野外大哭一咧，真家己按怎毋早捌代的。
外in兜我一仔都印象，毋阿母是一个孝女。阿舅in有的真早就身，有的生活界好，所以外公外的墓法度起好。阿母著欲表示一仔孝心，阿爸爿的反，偷偷仔去故澎湖外，外公外的墓地，翻修甲清。不幸的是，真正去予「」料甲。台了後，阿母不但面色各，原底的病重。半句言，半冬後，就个世。
嫁出去的查某囝，袂後厝，若有歹果。在是有孔榫的古，阿爸的口嘛是有按呢的想法。可的阿母，伊有一片孝心，煞有路底套，著欲友孝掩掩(ng-ng iap-iap)。我咧想年阿爸若反阿母份心意，伊互相，抑是共伊相共，毋免予一个弱的查某人，洋海，孤孤理人遣的代，凡情形就仝款矣。阿母一方面厝任，一方面想欲外家厝心意，煞受著阻，彼款心承受的力，予即捌代的我，心痛呀！
的俗，有像拐人跤的石，使人毋知欲按怎。我婚了後，若有就真去後厝。阿爸想欲看我，只是伊是：「以家庭重，代毋通定定後家厝。」
「阿爸，你敢希望查某囝嫁出去，就袂得我原的厝？」
「千得，外家是歹象。」阿爸奈按呢。
「白，我就偏偏欲逐工看你。」
「汝个死查仔鬼仔----」我咧想阿爸的心情是矛盾的。
前冬，阿爸的清楚的，我小可遮个往事。伊原按呢，阿母去理外家的代，阮父仔囝引起一激烈的。
冬，隔久看著我，伊就定定向兄哥起我。有仔我提起往事(阿爸回想往事是上快的代)，伊煞一仔都袂起矣。啊！我偌仔希望阮有的，然我界成阿爸捌有的念。
阿母比阿早往生一年，阿母的，像鼓撞破月的恬，醒一家口仔的依心。阿的啼哭恬去矣。阿爸阿的耐心孝心原仝款，少年的我，直直感阿爸只娘，某。到一冬，阿嘛身去，阿爸一段算短的悲痛日子，才敢放家己，表露出阿母的念。原伊in的仝款，只是方法仝，伊阿是加一份任，阿母的是深深藏心肝底。
但是我感「」就是表出，藏心有啥路用！等到想欲表的，方已身，敢憾身咧？
暝真深矣，陪阿爸一仔，煞咧搔，只好向伊投降，伊就我去，我：「你，我欲按怎？」拗袂我的催逼，伊躺落。毋偌久伊就爬起：「恁阿母咧？」
阿阿母的相，阿爸的房，我深深看一下阿母，伊像有限的安慰，有限的冷。
其月以，阿爸的情形好真，只要有人逗逗仔共伊解，伊是入去。莫予伊一个人像孤老人白想，是比食仔看生有效。囝嘛有好，流，袂忝。囝的苦，食老就享受矣。敢毋是阿母留予阿爸的之！
透早的日初初探，三兄已起床，欲chhoa阿爸去育散步、做。我阿爸交予阿兄，然後幔一日光去。
厝尾阿爸足好命，有一大友孝的囝，敢按呢？若阿爸待阿的孝心比起，阮差咧。彼阮怨阿伯任，煞予阿爸甲足食力，囡仔人使。伊有友孝，是做囝的福。
阮就是踏著阿爸的跤步一路行，加加有伊自共阮培的念。只是，阿爸！假使你若想著後生查某囝的幸福婚姻，你喜阮比你巧！
阿爸! 汝敢是阿母?
Father! Don't You Love Mother? by Lee Hsiu
It must have been the middle of the night. The telephone rang. "It must be a wrong number again," I thought. Feeling quite annoyed, I turned on the light and picked up the receiver. "Hello!"
"Is Ahtsu there?" a weak voice asked. “Ahtsu” was the name for me that only family members used.
"Papa!" I threw off my blanket and sat up straight.
"Where is your mother? Where is everybody?"
"Father!” I called out, feeling totally helpless.
"Please tell her to come home as soon as possible. I have to go to the office."
Dear Mother. You must be present. I just dreamt about you too.
"There's nobody here to take care of your grandma,” he muttered. “What should I do?”
Both Mother and Grandma had been dead for over twenty years.
"Father, please calm down! I will be right over."
I have four brothers. Father lived with the third one, about ten minutes by foot from my house. I ran and got there in three minutes.
"Whose turn is it to look after Father tonight?” I asked when I arrived.
"Mine," Third brother sighed.
"Go to bed. Let me look after him now."
Father was wandering around in an agitated state. He was so worried about security that he couldn't sleep. Even back then, there always seemed to be someone to wait up for.
"There's nothing to worry about, Papa. Have you forgotten that Grandma and Mama passed away?” I repeated over and over. Perhaps my presence gradually dispelled his visions. At last he seemed to get over it.
Because of his sleeplessness, we hired a nurse to be with him during the day. We hoped that would help him sleep. It was no use.
My brothers felt that Father's problem originated in earlier years. In the prime of his life, Father held down two jobs to support a family of ten - one during the day and another at night. On the night shift, he hardly slept. Of course, during the day he was expected to be wide awake. He had worn down his teeth because he gritted them every time he had to lift something heavy.
Except when Grandma was sick, my memories of childhood were good. No wonder my brothers accused me of being a little princess! As the baby of the family, I was fortunate to benefit from our parents' hard work. It was fun to listen to Father's stories of the bad old days. He really came alive talking about those times But nowadays, he refuses to talk about the past, especially anything concerning Grandma and Mother.
Any pleasure he might feel immediately evaporated when the shadow of these women crossed his mind. No distraction was sufficient. In any case, we were too busy to keep him company. I thought that maybe he could take up a hobby that might keep him occupied and help him forget his broken heart.
When Father was approximately two years old, Grandpa disappeared. Grandma had to raise Father on her own. At age fifty, she was blind, perhaps because of a million tears? Later, she fell down and broke a leg. After that, she could no longer stand. She had so many troubles and was always sad, asking to die. Life for her was a heavy burden.
In the mid 1940s, Taiwan was occupied by the Japanese. While everyone suffered, our problems were exacerbated by Grandma's misfortunes. No one could help us. The mood at home rose and fell according to her every emotion. Even though Mother did her best to get along with her mother-in-law, nothing she did was good enough. Father scolded Mother when Grandma was displeased. Mother would return silently to her chores, stifling a sniffle.
Once when I was ten, I got up, put on my clothes, and went to look for my mother. I couldn't find her anywhere. I was quite upset. As usual, Grandma was crying.
"Shut up!” I screamed at her. "Why can't you be nice to Mother? Did you know that she has disappeared? What should we do now?"
Crying my heart out, I ran outside, looking for my poor mother. I arrived at an abandoned temple. The roof had fallen in long ago. An enormous sycamore had grown up on the spot where the monks used to live.
The wind sighed as it sent autumn's withered leaves flying. I felt completely abandoned. Suddenly I heard intermittent sobbing. I followed the sound through the high grass.
"Mom..." I was crying and running toward Mother's arms.
"How did you get here, my dear?" She was shocked to see me, but hugged me warmly and stroked my head.
She wiped my eyes and her own and told me not to mention this to anyone. After we returned home, she continued to show concern for Grandma's comfort. She also apologized to grandma for my bad behavior.
I didn't say anything about these events to Father when he came home from work.
"Grandma is on her last legs," he would say. "No wonder she loses her temper sometimes. We must show her more consideration." Even though Father always said this, I couldn't help myself this time.
"Father! You don't love Mother, do you?" I protested.
"Who said that?” my father asked.
It was said that Mother’s ancestor’s conditions were extremely miserable after she was married and moved with her husband to Taiwan. Not only had her parents and siblings all passed away early, but their graves in her hometown of Penghu, which is a small island between the Pacific Ocean and Taiwan Strait, had been sorely neglected. It was a difficult voyage connecting Penghu and Taiwan in this age of poor transportation. Mother was an obedient and dutiful woman. Wanting to help her the family that raised her, she ignored the burdensome journey and decided to go back home to deal with the tombs of her next of kin.
Unfortunately, not long after she finished the large job of grave repairing and returned to Taiwan, her physical condition continued to deteriorate. Sadly, she committed suicide after she came back to Taiwan because she couldn’t stand the pain of serious sickness.
Death and the tomb were strong taboo subjects in these earlier years. Perhaps if Father had been more willing to help Mother, she wouldn’t have struggled alone. By tradition, the wife must pay more attention to her husband’s family than to her own. Otherwise, she would have a despised and depressed life. I always protested against this as complete nonsense, yet my father agreed with these traditions and felt no guilt.
When I was married, I still longed to see him whenever I had free time. He was really happy to see me when I visited him but he always warned me not to focus on him.
“Do you want me to forget you and just focus on my husband’s family? If so, I wish I had never married!” I said.
“Alas….” He seemed to have no answer, my poor father.
After Mother was dead for about one year, Grandma passed away too. Their portraits both hung on the wall in front of my father’s bedroom. Sorrow was hushed into peace in his heart like the evening among the silent dark trees. Afterwards, nothing would interest him anymore. His love for his mother was the sunshine of his life. But this love was like a lamp that had never been lighted for his wife. I looked up to Mother’s picture. Her wistful face seemed to talk to Father, “Do not hide your love in a mountain precipice because it is too high to touch.”
“I want to sleep.” I was so exhausted that I begged Father for rest in the deep night.
“Of course, go ahead, my dear.” He urged me.
“How can I sleep if you don’t?”
It was a deal. He lay down but in no more than five minutes he asked me again: “Where is your mother?”
Third brother woke up at daybreak. With joy, I handed Father over to my brother, who would take him to the park to have some exercise. Indeed, Father has gotten better as long as somebody has talked with him. Neighbours consider that Father is fortunate to have such obedient children.
I was of the opinion that we have been using his footprints to model our behaviour. However, Father, I must tell you that we are smarter than you because we not only express our love to you, but we also express love in the treasury of our marriage.
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